Going Gonzo – Waiting For Wisdom.

Wednesday, 6th March 2019.


As usual, all my plans are out the window because I stupidly relaxed for five minutes. Now I can’t be bothered to do anything now.

*pause to glance around room*

I’ve been doing so well this week too. Come on, come on, think!


Due to the lack of motivation Im feeling, I am going to continue watching Project Blue Book. I’m only on episode 2 so the jury is still out.

Thursday, 7th March 2019.


I got to episode 6-7. Conspiracy and the usual. It’s was entertaining enough.

I want to say this week has flown but, by saying that, it’ll probably drag out now.

I’m on a jolly to Greenfield roday. Rip out a cabinet. Bring it back im to the office and leave it outside for the scrap metal blokes.

Apart from that, all I can say is, I wish I had been productive last night.


I’m meeting boss in Greenford. He has just rung me in a fluster. He hadn’t received his tickets for Chelsea tonight.

Luckily, I had them. I wound him up a little.


Now I’m just waiting to leave. Too much time to think. Waiting for wisdom.

“It’s gonna be a long wait ya Prick!”

Yeah. Cheers for that.

“How about a little insight? “


“Forget it. “


I went to Greenford nick and wandered around the decaying cells. The stench of evil and corruption thick in the air. With windows boarded up, the only life left in here was me.

I left as quickly as I arrived. It left me feeling,…..? I don’t think I can explain.

I’d tried to order some materials earlier in the day but there was some kind of transportation issue so I decided to collect it myself from Bracknell. It gave me a little Spotify time, if it gave me nothing else.

I arrived back at the office at around three.

After that, I came home. Got told off for treating my parents house like a hotel, then had dinner.

Now I’m drinking a Bloody Mary whilst laying under a blanket I bought earlier when I was getting lunch.

I am not the master of my own mind.

Waiting for wisdom.


“D’you remember when we were young?”

Sour mash. It used to have impact with every swallow. Now, just a dull tingle. Drunk like squash.

No longer knowing, just hoping, that it will dull the pain.

The crisis of mid-life.

No longer young. No more time to make the dreams come true. Just,…… No More Time?


Once a thorn, now a nemesis. Soon, the greatest fear.


Get busy living or get busy dying? The simplicity of life.

Flip a coin.


Driver, where are you taking us?.

You throw something away because it’s broken but it keeps reappearing.

You loved it, so you let it stay, but it’s still broken.

It’s inability to function spreads like a cancer until you begin to decay along with it.

You love it so, but, it’s disease is killing you.

Throw it away?

Can you live without it?

Keep it close?

Love it until the kills you both?

Do you know what love is?

True love?

I hope YOU know(I hope you know who you are), I will kill or die for you.

The list is less than 10 people.

I hope you know.

Until the end.

Love will find you out.


That is utter bollocks. Love will find you. Lull you into a false sense of security. Then fuck you up the arse. Like I once fucked Satan up the arse(see website and searC


I’m done with it all. I’ll smoke a few cigarettes and see if it pans out.

Fuck Life.

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