Going Gonzo – Until I Get There. Part One.

Recap: I have been on the housing list in my area since May 2017. There aren’t many social houses so I knew I had to wait, but I never imagined it would be this long!

Wednesday, 8th July 2020.


After all the hassle relating to Louis’ birthday camping trip, it is finally sorted out. Louis is going tomorrow.

I’ve taken the day off so I can get him on the train with his gear, and truthfully, I need a day off.

Hopefully, everything will go well and I won’t have to drive three and a half hours to Totnes.

Thursday, 9th July 2020.


The whole thing turned sour. The whole camping trip is off, and Louis has had to learn a harsh lesson in the difference between real friends and casual friends.

The long and short of it is, I’ve had to try and create an eventful weekend for him.

So far, I have enlisted a few people to meet up with on Saturday/Sunday.

Tomorrow I’m taking him around my favourite places in London. I’ve got £300 for him to spend on whatever he wants. He wants to:

  • Go to Camden Markets
  • Oxford Street
  • Soho
  • Covent Garden

So, the usual really. I suppose the old town still holds a bit of wonder if you’ve never really been there.

Friday, 10th July 2020.


Fuckin’ London innit.

The day has come. I have a 16 year old son!

We are on the train, heading for town. I’ve already had to tell off a bunch of teenagers for trying to sit too close to us on an empty carriage. Silly fuckers!

The stare I have tends to prevent any back chat(please! Please, back chat me!)

Monday, 13th July 2020.


I’m standing on the King’s Road near Sloane Square.

Friday and Saturday were both successful. I took Louis around London. We did Tottenham Court Road, Denmark Street, Forbidden Planet, Old Compton Street, Oxford Street, Nike Town, Carnaby Street, Camden……

Serious stuff in Camden.

The list goes on. We rounded off with a stroll and a joint across Tower Bridge, and a little of of Southbank.

Saturday, we saw some old friends. Had a few drinks. We went to the Beehive…..

Yesterday was lazy day.

I think Louis was happy. I got a few things he wanted. Saw the sights, etc….

Honestly, I’m glad it’s over.

Tuesday, 14th July 2020.


All back to normal. The absolute pointlessness of existence.

Wednesday, 15th July 2020.


Yesterday ended up being a day full of anger. I’m trying to work out why I was so angry but I know, really, it’s the limbo.

The endless, fucking limbo that is, waiting.

Thursday, 16th July 2020.


The only excitement today holds is, buying 200 fags off the sparks at work.

Lovely, lovely pictures.


Montague Pyke.

Occasionally, everything works out fine. Today’s was this:

Today’s breakfast pint.

It is absolutely perfect. Icy cold and beautifully creamy.

Rule 32: Enjoy The Little Things.

Friday, 17th July 2020.


The sun is out. It’s payday. I’ve had my pint and fry up. All we need to do now is get home, but we have a few hours work left.

Monday, 20th July 2020.


The weekend was uneventful, apart from Sonny and my ex coming up to take Louis out. It ended in an argument, probably started by my ex, which resulted in me not seeing Sonny at all.

It’s been months now.

I asked him this morning if he would like to come and stay for a week but he doesn’t want to. I have suggested , also, that perhaps I can get a static caravan somewhere towards the end of August. He seemed more keen on that idea.

I’m on my way home now.

We added some extra cables to the job in King’s Road.

Monday is done!

Tuesday, 21st July 2020.


Another day. Usual work. Tottenham Court Road, Holborn, Moorgate………..then back again.

Carter forwarded a letter to the housing people from her MS nurse. It basically says that, she needs space. Looming operation, etc…..

Wednesday, 22nd July 2020.


Arrived at the job in Holborn at 07.30.

Left the job in Holborn 15.03.

Two cigarette breaks. That’s it.

Word of advice: Never do physically demanding work for seven and a half hours with only a coffee inside you. It will damage your health.

Tuesday, 28th July 2020.


I’m waiting for delivery burgers. Louis says we will be back at seven thirty but he’s probably getting stoned over Commercial Park.

Nothing has happened. Life is dull.

Carter has gone into hospital to have her plug put in. It started yesterday with a phone call from her MS nurse.

They are dragging it out.

Then, I lost 30 quids worth of green. My heart rate is about 130 bpm resting.

This is how killers are born.

The red haze in front of my eyes is absolute.

You cannot hear my screams. If you could, you would run.

I would fucking kill you. No reason. Just to release the anger.

Christ. I have serious issues.

Friday, 31st July 2020.


Carter is still in hospital. She, now, has a tube up her nose. All the way to her stomach.

On the upside, I have the whole bed to myself.

Always, the little things.

With the heat, I’m sure she is in hell, but she is a survivor! She wouldn’t moan, even if it warranted it.

Apart from that, nothing is note.

I’ve worked. I’ve bought synthesizers.

Saturday, 1st August 2020.


I organised Carter’s living room today. I needed to do something constructive. Carter is still in hospital but she feels a little better. She had malnutrition from months of living on, mainly, ice lollies and ice cream.

Hopefully, they will do the operation on Monday.

Sonny is coming up on Wednesday, but he has to stay at my parent’s house as it is too difficult here. I haven’t seen him since before the COVID situation. Apparently, he is getting tall?!?

Tuesday, 4th August 2020.


Sonny is coming tomorrow. Carter is still in hospital. I’ve just had the hardest 2 days work I’ve had in the last 10 years.

Friday, 7th August 2020.


Sonny has been here a couple of days now. I took him out clothes shopping as he has grown to 5’8″ since I last saw him.

I thought that was the point of paying maintenance but hey! What do I know?

Carter was released from hospital with a tube up her nose and a feeding apparatus. It sounds awful but its better than her being in hospital……. I suppose?

When they have a slot and she is well enough, she will go and have they plug put in her stomach.

Work has been hideous. I have broken my back for months for no thanks.

The truth is, I don’t want thanks. I want more money!!!!

A lot more money.

Tuesday, 11th August 2020.


Sonny has been here since last Wednesday. I’m sick to death of both Sonny and Louis. I appreciate it has been over 30 degrees everyday but they have fuck all motivation or interest in anything!

My Playstation popped so I had to replace it. My mini keyboard controller lost it’s USB connection so had to be replaced.

The savings are fucked.

I’ve had no work since last Tuesday. And, I can’t foresee any in the next week or so.

I’ve cut myself six times since my last confession. None of which were on purpose.


The worst thing I could possibly say:

I can’t wait for life to return to normal tomorrow(Sonny going home).

I know. It’s awful. I love him and would gibe anything for his life,…but this house is too small. It’s too hot….


I’d have him forever if I could.

Fuck. I hate my life. Myself. Everything.

Friday, 28th August 2020.


I’m in Nostrano, eating eggs.

A few weeks have passed and my money pot is dwindling due to lack of work. Louis got 6 GCSE passes so has secured his place in college. He starts on the 2nd September.

Still no housing.

I’ve managed to start doing a little music again. Sadly, inspiration came in the form of several hundred pounds on new equipment.

Sonny came to visit for a week. I was off work so I actually got to spend time with him.

the day he left, we had an absolute nightmare. First, I put him on a train with Louis to Reading. Louis was gonna make sure he got his connection.

They on made it as far as Bracknell before they cancelled the train. I went to Bracknell, collected them, and drove them to Reading.

Then, they cancelled the Reading train.

Long story short. Blazing row with ex. Ending up driving Sonny all the way home.(250 mile round trip).



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