Going Gonzo – Bed Of Nails

Indulge me for a minute.

I know that there are bigger problems in the world than my sordid, mostly self induced sagas.


I sometimes feel like I’m in a fucked up nightmare. A nightmare that isn’t a constant frightfest. A nightmare that lulls me into a false sense of security. Just long enough to feel a sense of possibility. Then……..


I’m sure most people will say, that’s life!

I dunno. Maybe I built “life” up to much.

Life is what you make it, people say.

If that’s true, I’m the king of making it a shit covered bed of nails.

Monday, 4th February 2019.


Here we go again. Another week night. An hour into trying to sleep.

I think it’s some sort of subconscious punishment.

I can’t remember wronging anyone? Apart from myself.

Is that it? The answer?

What did I do that was so bad?

Answers on a postcode to:

Can’t Sleep,

Utter Fuck Lane,


Tuesday, 5th February 2019.


I’m in Paddington.

It feels like such a long time since I was last in London but I suppose it can only be about 6 weeks or so.

I’m helping my boss clear some IT kit from an old police station the transferring it to another one.

It makes a change.


Just got home. I’ve been driving a 3.5ton tail-lift around London all day. I’m dead. Truly dead.

I’ve nothing to say.

I’m too tired to even moan.

Wednesday, 6th February 2019.


Actually getting any time to do anything, apart from work and sleep is becoming an issue.

I know it will all level out in the end, but I don’t know when the end is?

All I know right now is,

Rehab is for quitters.

And I’m no quitter!


So. Where are we?


I’ve looked back at Monday and Tuesday’s entries and thought, did that little happen?

Well, no. A lot more happened but it would be pointless and boring to elaborate. All work related.

Let’s talk silver linings or positives or,…..whatever positive types call it.

I finally caught up with Mare this evening. It’s been months and it needed to be done.

Life sometimes gets in the way of what is most important, and Mare is in my top 5 most important people.

Anyway, we caught up. Chewed the fat.

I love her. She is my best and most favourite sister.

We met at The Beehive. It was the first time I’d crossed the threshold in over a year. Nothing has changed. Luckily, I only saw locals I like and the landlady. Who I also like.

Peter, the landlord was nowhere to be seen. Thank God!

That aside. I have sorted out parents evening(tomorrow night). Arranged the whole weekend for my younger son’s birthday…….


The point is, I feel positive.

I also feel fat, but that’s another story.

This is what I’ll look like when I die.

Just sayin’.

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