Diary Of Some Sort Of Life #30

Friday, 28th April, 2017.

08.42

All very quiet from the ex, since yesterday’s revelations. I was so tired when I got in, I managed dinner, then fell asleep until Carter got in from work at 9pm. Now I’m sitting on the train, at the start of a double day, with a million questions in my brain that I cannot answer. Mainly about my kids and what’s going to happen.

15.49

I haven’t been able to update the diary today, due to my thumbs hurting from the constant text war with my ex. I am hoping that we have come to an understanding. She will, inevitably end up, moving back to Staines. It’s the last thing I want but there is no other real solution. Hopefully, we will deal with whatever commitments she has until then but we all know she will take the piss, sooner or later.

19.33

That’s what I call a double day! I’m on the Bakerloo, back to Waterloo. I’ll make the 19.50 and be home before 9. Even better, tomorrow’s work should be done by 12, with a little effort. I have that, air of change, feeling after today’s events. Nothing lasts though……ever.  

Saturday, 29th April, 2017.

06.52

Working Saturday’s! Tut! At least it’s a bank holiday weekend. Providing my team do as planned it’ll be done, quickly. 

Another day, another tube trip.

07.59

Early doors, Regent Street. Before the shit kicks off!

After a slight panic from my boss, about leaving the keys to the office behind. We are in. Where’s my Fucking coffee??

15.06

That’s the point where it all goes wrong. The ex, or cunt as I like to call her, rings crying. She can’t handle her own son. Ask anyone who knows, he’s an angel. Like any 12 year old he has his moments but………

Anyway, I lost my shit. She is dumping him here. As you can imagine, it’s all my fault. My fault she threw me out. My fault I realised she was insane. My fault I didn’t come back and be her lapdog. My fault she threatened to ruin my life. Generally, my fault. I really Fucking hate her. I don’t mind saying it. She is really not worthy of being a human being. After I’d threatened to kill her, which I’m not proud of(maybe?), I realised she was probably doing all this out of spite for the fact she thinks I’m living some sort of dream life. I ain’t “PC”. I hope she burns in hell.

I have asked Carter to bring Louis in when he gets here. The anger I’m feeling could result in a very bad situation.

16.15

Thinking back, through the rage of my conversation with her. My favourite line was, “I want to work. If I work, I’ll be less disabled.”…??

How the fuck does that work? She is very intelligent. She has claimed to have ehlers danlos(look it up) for years. Perfect disablilty for the faker. Carter has Multiple sclerosis. Just in case, you thought I didn’t know what a disability was. 

Anyway, Carter dealt with it. She got Louis in the house with all his stuff. I secretly watched out the window. I could see “her”. I could feel my nails digging into my palms as I clenched my fists. I couldn’t even go down and say “Hi” to my younger son. I’ve felt hatred before. Nothing like this. 

Once she had gone and I gave Louis a hug and reassured him, the anger started to fade into the background. 

Tuesday, 2nd May, 2017

07.21

So, here we are. Full time dad again. I’ve spent the last couple of days settling him in and making sure he is not affected by this. He seems relieved. The worst part is, he’s sleeping on Carter’s sofa. Perfect! As you can imagine, I’ve quite a lot of heavy shit to deal with. Talk to housing about my change of circumstances, school admissions, register doctors and dentists, sort out benefits, etc, etc……

I’ve still got to go to work. I can only hope that, the powers that be, are helpful. As a single man, they definitely haven’t been.

11.16

A world of shit. I’m already on my way home. I was kidding myself, to believe, this could all be sorted out whilst working. So far, I’ve managed to get through to the wrong person in housing. Awaiting call back from correct person. Waited on hold with child benefit for 30 minutes, only to be told I’d messed up security questions. I’ll do again when I get home and have access to my paperwork. I’ve still got to contact the school and see what I can arrange. Hopefully, they will be more accommodating. The guys at work are going to try and blag that I was there. I think, more than anything, it’s my brain that is causing a lot of the problems. There are just so many things to deal with, that all need to happen now. 

I’m just going to have to get home, spreadsheet the shit out of it, and deal with it in an orderly fashion. It just shows you, how quickly life changes. Christ! A diary entry from a couple of weeks ago could show you that!

I just need to get everything done and rolling before the darkness rears its ugly head. Depression is the only thing I really fear.

11.38

I had a wait for the train, so I went to the nasty sports bar, at Waterloo, and had a Heineken.

I doubt it helped, but it was a distraction. I’m also going to have to factory default my phone and re-install everything today. Everything has stopped working. That’s all I need. It never rains, it Fucking pours!!!

The most important thing though. The ultimate, the great, above all, absolute, important thing………Louis(my son), is happy. Very happy. Almost relieved, to be with me. Back where he should be. With me, and godmother Mare, and Caroline and Claire and Lisa. The most perfect and amazing people, that anyone could hope to have in their life. I’m not forgetting Carter. She is the absolute. Her kindness, generosity, understanding………..I haven’t got the words. 

I am lucky. I know that. If I ever forget, someone make sure, I don’t forget.

https://open.spotify.com/user/1144009802/playlist/3JO1VAXRc7l4frEpYVGQEl